What a relief.  Last week brought with it a barrage of unexpected questions and doubts, oddly coinciding with the time that we were preparing to celebrate the Resurrection.  I am glad, joyful even, to be able to report that the darkness has passed, and that it has been replaced with a renewed hunger for God’s presence.  (I’m still surprised by the sudden onset of such negativity last week.  I’ve never been a moody person, but I am a musician, so…)

This week, I find that I am compulsively speaking to God, or, maybe more accurately put, that I am calling out to Him, with a longing for His presence.  As I’ve been reading through my bible, the words are jumping off of the page, and I’m aware that they really are “living and active.”  I find myself particularly resonating with the Psalms.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I hope;
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
– Psalm 130:5 & 6

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
– Psalm 63:1

One of the motives for starting this experiment in the first place was the fact that I was painfully aware of my too frequent unloving attitude toward some people, and I wanted to change, but knew that I couldn’t bring about that change.  I could attempt to defend myself by pointing out that everyone has people in their world that they’d rather not deal with, or that I wasn’t feeling hatred or jealousy or anything extreme, but God’s standard is love, not indifference, not minor annoyance.  He who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

This week, I had to meet with one of those people.  I wasn’t looking forward to it, because I have a lot of plates spinning (again).  Surprisingly, though, instead of just having to put on my best friendly and cordial facade and wondering how soon the meeting could be over, or like a martyr thinking “Nay – God loveth this child, and so too must I <sound of jewel being added to crown>,” I found that I actually cared for this person.  Instead of seeing baggage, I saw another human made in God’s image.  I was happy, even thankful, to be there with them and to catch up with them.  This was not something that I could conjure, and I have to give the credit, as always, to God.

And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. – God